Law and Grace

On Monday morning, I was driving with Andante, when I was faced with a very real temptation to disobey the law. In fact, I was chafing to do so. Badly.

You see, there is a stretch of road very close to our home where the rules of the road are a bit ambiguous, but there are still some obvious ones. I will try to paint the picture for you. We walk this route to and from school every day. We drive it as often. We see all sorts of law-breaking all the time, as well as some law-stretching. Basically, there is a light involved, some train tracks, a "wide" but not-quite-yet-two-lane stretch prior to the tracks, and two lanes, complete with lines and directional arrows on the other side of the tracks as you approach the light. It's a busy stretch with plenty of traffic, especially on a Monday morning. Throw in an intersection just before the tracks, a crossing guard for that location, a couple of driveways, and you have the picture.

So here I am, running later than planned (although not technically late because there's no appointment), and I'm in the left side of the widish road prior to the tracks, trying to not block the intersection, and very impatient people behind me. Add to that relatively steady but not constant oncoming traffic in a single and not particularly wide lane, a double yellow line, and a wide open "left-turn only" lane in front of me. But to get there, I'd have to go about a foot over the double yellow.....

Here is the temptation.
I want to go.
I can't without going over the double yellow.
It's clear that I'm going to miss this "round" of it being our turn at the light.
The guy right behind me full out went around me IN THE ONCOMING LANE, furious with me.
Obstructing the lane - or playing chicken - to keep others from passing is generally to be discouraged (and it might have appeared I was doing that).
I am late.
It is unlikely I would be caught.

I know this is the law, despite most folks ignoring it, because once several years ago when I did it I got pulled over and given a talking to. The cop made a point of noting what I did in his computer, along with my license, which means if I do it again and get caught, it's a definite infraction, points, fines, etc. That was several years ago, but that cop meant business. I really am not convinced at that occasion that I was even over the line - I thought I was just passing and still on my side of the double yellow, and not in the other lane at all, and he was reprimanding me for passing, period, when there weren't two lanes.

So the fact is, this time, I knew that I'd be over the line. Period. No matter how you look at it.

And my son was watching. He was in the car when I got pulled over the other time, and we discuss this stuff all the time when we're walking. He knew, as did I, that to not wait, to pass, was disobeying the law. And he could tell I did NOT want to obey the law and was chafing.

It made me think of Romans 7 where it discusses that the law can actually produce sin - for if it were not for the law, we would not know we were sinning, but once the law was given, we began to sin even more.....

Ouch. And boy did I want to go! It was a real struggle!

We talked about it.
We discussed that God is watching.
We discussed that obeying the law is important, even when we don't want to.
We discussed that disobeying is sin. Period.
We discussed that obeying the law can actually put us in danger!
He looked me in the eyes, at my request, and encouraged me to do what was right.
Several times!
I needed it.

I'm thankful for these examples of God working in my life to show me my sin, and also to show me how his grace works. He showed me (and Andante) that I did sin, even though I technically obeyed the law. I WANTED to disobey, and only the fact that my son was with me and the "fear" of getting caught held me back. In my heart, I crossed that line, and I was not particularly repentant for my struggle. I could have justified my disobedience in a heartbeat. Hardly repentant. And we discussed that. It was a very good discussion.

What a gift to have been able to live that moment together, to model for him what temptation can look like, how hard it can be to obey, to be so foolish as to think that we might "get away with it" - as though God doesn't see. And God cannot be mocked. That adults struggle too. That it is easy to justify a heart that doesn't even want to obey.

I have taken this up with the Lord, so please don't worry about me not being right w/him. What I wanted to share was how thankful I am for this opportunity with my son, to live the real, hard life before him, imperfectly, and to know it is good. This too is grace. As is the law, that makes us know our sin, and our need for Him - our need that cannot be filled anywhere else by anyone else. Only the blood of Jesus is sufficient to pay the price for this sinridden and disobedient heart of mine- and because of him, it is indeed clean - amazing grace indeed. May I continue to see the sin that is so pervasive and grieve my unrepentance quickly, and find his grace so refreshing when he works in my heart to see, to confess and to seek him.