A Surprising Lesson

I have spent countless hours teaching my kids to do things themselves: eat, use the bathroom, wash hands, zip coats, put away toys…. As moms, that’s what we do. But even while they learn age-appropriate independence, I want them to recognize when they need help, and how and whom to ask for it. Frankly, I’m teaching them to recognize they’re still dependent.

There’s been a new and surprising lesson for me in this. From the moment I became a mom, I found myself unexpectedly needy. I’m learning that I too live a life of dependence. My needs may be physical: a ride, lifting something, or juggling responsibilities. They might be emotional: encouragement, wisdom, affection, or perspective. I too am learning when, how, and whom to ask for help. This reflects how God made us, created for relationship with Him and others. But because of my sin – my willful disobedience – I refuse the very help I need, much as my children pull away when they need me most. This creates a relational barrier because God is holy and my disobedience has consequences. Yet God is kind and patient, and loves His children. With grace and mercy, He calls me back and restores our relationship. Through faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross – the ultimate consequence of my sin – He’s forever paved the way for me to return to His open arms. Learning to go to Him needy and empty-handed is humbling. But it’s by God’s design, and it’s good.

Our children are born dependent on us. Even while they learn appropriate independence, I’m ultimately teaching them to transfer their dependence from me to God. As they learn to trust and depend on me, they learn to do the same with Him. And this is equally true for me. As I learn to let go of my kids, I’m learning to trust Him to take care of us.

Note: I wrote this for the November 2011 newsletter at our church's monthly mom's ministry.

An appetite which has been whet...

I recently read the foreword to the book Peacemaking Woman. I hope to someday read the book. In the meantime, this comment has truly whet my appetite for more.

I am personally delighted with the greatest strength of this book -- it is consistently Christ-centered. Instead of calling women to work harder in their own strength, it calls them to rest more fully and confidently in the redeeming work of Christ.

A little further on in the book ( not in the foreword), I also read a quote from another book, Boundaries (a good book in its own right, from p.94). This time the quote was interesting especially to share it w/my kids. I look forward to reading (someday) how this quote fits into the book.

Things can hurt and not harm us. In fact, they can even for good for us. And things that feel good can be very harmful to us.

Motherhood

This evening, I read an article a friend shared on facebook. It is entitled "Idealized Domesticity." I took away from it a sense that we try to encourage ourselves by talking up the worth of our being at home. It is true that it is worthy. It is true that it is hard work. But honestly, I love that hard work and sacrifice are normal. What I do isn't "exceptional" - it's life. What else would I do, honestly? Even were I employed outside the home, I wouldn't be looking for kudos because I left work early to go home to care for a sick child. I think we sometimes think that as we do that which we are called to do, that which is normal, we think we're earning points with God for our service. I think this article, without doing so directly, knocks the wind completely out of those sails. It's all about grace. We do and offer nothing. God gives us everything. He gives us the good, the bad, and the mundane (and the ugly). And then he uses it all to glorify himself and shower us with love and grace. It's pretty cool, and it's pretty creative. And I am thankful to be a part of it. And it is hard. And I do try to talk myself into that which I need to do, sometimes probably in wrong ways. So it's good to be reminded in articles like this about carts and horses and which is first, and why we do what we do. It's all by grace and there's much yet to discover.