A Surprising Lesson

I have spent countless hours teaching my kids to do things themselves: eat, use the bathroom, wash hands, zip coats, put away toys…. As moms, that’s what we do. But even while they learn age-appropriate independence, I want them to recognize when they need help, and how and whom to ask for it. Frankly, I’m teaching them to recognize they’re still dependent.

There’s been a new and surprising lesson for me in this. From the moment I became a mom, I found myself unexpectedly needy. I’m learning that I too live a life of dependence. My needs may be physical: a ride, lifting something, or juggling responsibilities. They might be emotional: encouragement, wisdom, affection, or perspective. I too am learning when, how, and whom to ask for help. This reflects how God made us, created for relationship with Him and others. But because of my sin – my willful disobedience – I refuse the very help I need, much as my children pull away when they need me most. This creates a relational barrier because God is holy and my disobedience has consequences. Yet God is kind and patient, and loves His children. With grace and mercy, He calls me back and restores our relationship. Through faith in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross – the ultimate consequence of my sin – He’s forever paved the way for me to return to His open arms. Learning to go to Him needy and empty-handed is humbling. But it’s by God’s design, and it’s good.

Our children are born dependent on us. Even while they learn appropriate independence, I’m ultimately teaching them to transfer their dependence from me to God. As they learn to trust and depend on me, they learn to do the same with Him. And this is equally true for me. As I learn to let go of my kids, I’m learning to trust Him to take care of us.

Note: I wrote this for the November 2011 newsletter at our church's monthly mom's ministry.